


"How Not To Get Laid" by Ian Nottingham

by crankylex



Category: Witchblade (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-26
Updated: 2012-06-26
Packaged: 2017-11-08 13:58:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/443910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crankylex/pseuds/crankylex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A how-to list, courtesy of Mr. Nottingham.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"How Not To Get Laid" by Ian Nottingham

How Not To Get Laid  
By Ian Nottingham

1\. Stalk the object of your affection. If she sees you constantly, everywhere, she will eventually give in and love you.

2\. Read up on masochism. Defintely a turn-on.

3\. Be sure to fondle your dead parent's amputated limb in front of her. Family ties are important in a prospective mate.

4\. Break into her apartment at least once daily and do simple household chores for her, like food shopping. Or washing her underwear.

5\. Kill all rivals for her affection. In front of her. This will demonstrate your manly prowess.

6\. Be as vague and as cryptic as possible. Hey, it worked for Angel.

7\. Explore other ethnicities.

8\. Put a contract out on her life. Then you can 'save' her. All women love heroes.

9\. Practice your seduction technique on her evil twin. This is an invaluable opportunity to get a feel for 'the lay of the land'.

10\. Buy a dog. Chicks love dogs.


End file.
